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Experiencing denial, particularly when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a definite “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I commenced submitting story ideas five decades ago, right after finishing university. Since then, I have had multiple books turned down, along with article pitches and countless essays. During the recent 20 years, specializing in op-eds, the rejections have multiplied. On average, I receive a setback frequently—totaling in excess of 100 times a year. In total, rejections over my career exceed a thousand. At this point, I might as well have a master’s in handling no’s.

But, is this a self-pitying tirade? Absolutely not. Since, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: By this stage, almost everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my win-lose ratio—it would be quite demoralizing.

For example: not long ago, a publication rejected 20 pieces one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors rejected my memoir proposal before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 representatives passed on a project. An editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays less often.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, each denial hurt. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my creation was being turned down, but who I am.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, shock. What went wrong? Why would these people be blind to my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Certainly it’s the incorrect submission? This must be an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my work? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, followed by frustration with me. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often mixed with delusion). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, depression. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Examples

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Tales of creators whose books was originally turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was initially spurned. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his school team. The majority of US presidents over the recent history had earlier failed in campaigns. The filmmaker estimates that his script for Rocky and desire to star were declined 1,500 times. He said rejection as an alarm to motivate me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Then, when I entered my senior age, I reached the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I grasp the various causes why a publisher says no. To begin with, an publisher may have just published a comparable article, or have something in progress, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for a different writer.

Or, less promisingly, my pitch is not appealing. Or the evaluator thinks I don’t have the experience or stature to fit the bill. Or isn’t in the market for the work I am offering. Or was too distracted and reviewed my piece too quickly to see its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and resonance, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, particularly commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my long career and rejection, I have achieved recognized. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. These works have been published in publications large and small, in local, national and global platforms. My first op-ed appeared decades ago—and I have now contributed to that publication for half a century.

Yet, no blockbusters, no signings at major stores, no appearances on talk shows, no presentations, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can better handle rejection at my age, because my, humble accomplishments have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all now.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but provided that you heed what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will probably just keep seeing denial incorrectly. So what teachings have I learned?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What